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Oh yeah

It's official, I am now 39 years old.

D'oh!

**hangs head**

I am a bear soup virgin.

I am hoping to change this fact soon.

Putting the FUN in dysfunction

I've got my 5 cents! Where's Lucy?  The Dr. needs to be "IN" - 

*Headslap*
Tell me again why I feel the need to spend my holidays with my blood family? 

My snarky, WASP mother (who is obsessed with being thin) just picked on me and my weight by saying that Santa must get pissed at me for impersonating him. I calmly replied to her that Santa loves me because I visit all the naughty lil boys for him.

That AMOST beats my frat boy styled step brother having no qualms about asking me how do
I have sex with men (literally which hole) Ah yes, since I am the oddity of the family; of COURSE he felt justified in his narrow minded confusion to loudly ask me this personal question in the middle of a family function.
 
Yet my Johny Walker Black laden father took the cake.  My dad pulled me upstairs when drunk to ask me "who's this? <pointing to his computer at a picture of my sister's wife> when stalking my crazy mother on facebook (he's new to the computer thing) Mind you, my parents have been divorced for 35 years, so I am a lil bewildered as to why he chose her as a target for information on the interwebs.  So I pulled up my sister's picture on facebook (no relation to my father) and pointed at her. He sat back in his chair with his forehead scrunched up. Then he turned and asked me how could she (my sister) be gay because she is obviously a sexy normal looking woman. I quickly finished that conversation and effectively shut him up by asking "Dad when did you decide to be straight?"
 
FML - can we just go back to the tattooing? That was the best part of my xmas this year.
Bring on new years

Point of reference and a source of my frustration - I came out almost 14 years ago!  You'd THINK that they may have gotten past some of this crap by now!

Early xmas booty!



Ya gotta love the prezzie that I got from my gay sister.
Inka-dinka-doo!

She was in the room next to me getting tattooed also.  Let's hear it for the fabulous side of the family!

*** I'm all zen'd out on the 1.5 hour endorphin rush... just look at the eyes! Weeeeeeee!

Wanted:

Short, round, furry, tattooed, pierced, "unique" bear seeking a snuggle partner.  Must like fur, bellies, giggling under the covers, soft sighs, low rumbling growls and accept that I get the left side of the bed.  Guys willing to set the programmable coffee maker before heading to bed go to the front of the line!



Applications being taken tout suite!

**Edit** Please read the humor and sarcasm in my post as an "all in good fun/I'm a dork" moment. Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

(The 3 hour meme) 25 Nuggets About Me

So, here goes . . . .

1. When I was a lil kid, I thought that I was only going to live to be 28 years old.  It seemed so old to me back then!  Yet as an adult on the last night of my 27th year, that lil nagging thought did rise up again and for a few moments I felt little and trepidacious of the upcoming year that I would be 28 years old.

2. My breakup from my last person I was locally involved with crushed me.  He gave me a glimmer of my hope of hopes; to find some who dug on all of the sides of me, who appreciated them all even if he didn't understand it all.  Someone who also rocked my socks off with he wrapped his arms around me.  Now, I *KNOW* he wasn't the right person.  Yet, I now worry that I "missed the bus" and will live my life alone.

3.  I love watching Golden Girls.  The comedic timing is brilliant.  It's also the mother of Sex In The City. Blanch is an obvious Samantha.  The level headed, quick witted Dorothy is Carrie.  The naive Rose mirrors Charlotte's old world morals and beliefs in a world gone by.  Ahh... and the last two the sharp tongued cynics, Sophia and Miranda.  Miami, New York.  The laughter, the touching moments.

4. I still giggle behind my helmet every time I go out riding.  My motorcycle is the first thing in a long time that has made me feel alive.  I makes me forget that my life has only been revolving around my job.  Hell, it even makes riding to work seem fun!

5. If I won the lottery, I would want to quit my job and go back to tech school to learn how to work around engines.  They confound me at the same time I am fascinated with the fact that they're all living sculptures.  I would want to be inspired by master fabricators, learn how to go from the mechanical ability of Dr Frankenstein to that of a precise surgeon. 

6. I can hear the fear of the unknown in my father's voice when he talks to me on the phone.  I am lucky that he loves me but it saddens me that he doesn't "get" me.  It's moments that this that make me feel a flicker of regret that I transitioned, but they're soon followed by sanity that reminds me that my regret is not that I transitioned, but that this journey that brought me joy sometimes brought sadness to those whom I love.  I wouldn't do anything different but I still feel bad sometimes

7. My favorite Christmas years were the ones that my two younger sisters still believed in Santa Claus.  I felt smart enough to understand that he doesn't exist, but those were also the years that my mom let me help bring the presents from Santa Claus down from the attic and I could pretend to be Santa for my sisters.  I'd rearrange the presents so that presents for everyone around the whole tree, evenly spaced apart so neither of them would not have something to open.  After that, I'd take bites out of the cookies and drink some milk.  The look on their faces in the morning, their belief, their joy has forever be imprinted on my brain.  I will never have kids so that was the only time I'll be Santa.

8. I am not a choco-holic.  I would much rather munch on Skittles.  My friend Amie knows this and once brought me this HUGE bag of them to a party I was hosting.  I put them in a bowl for everyone to munch on.  Mid party, I bent down to pet my dog and quickly noticed that she had this strong whiff of Skittle-breath.  I had put the bowl down too low and within her reach.  Apparently, I was not the only one in the family who liked Skittles!

9. I miss having a dog badly.  I miss coming home to someone who's just dying to see me at the end of my day (even if that someone had 4 legs).  I used to want a gorgeous and unique gray lab, but I have been enamored with the goofy ugliness of a British Bulldog lately.

10. I sometimes fantasize about running away but never have the courage to do it from fear that I never know where I'd end up

11. I grew up with a pool but rarely swam at night because I could always hear the Jaws theme in my head before diving in.

12.  I have calcified blood in my left hip from being struck by a pickup truck on my bicycle when I was 9 years old when I was a dolt and cut in front of it's path.  It is also the reason for the gray streak in my beard from the road rash I got sliding across the pavement.  This is 90% why I wear a full faced helmet when I ride my motorcycle.  As much as I like symmetry and think gray on both sides is sexy, I still remember who much it hurt to heal way back then.

13. I no longer like my job, but I don't know what else to do

14. I no longer have any single male friends locally.  They're either paired up of have moved away and I miss the camaradarie

15. I am more comfortable in work boots than I am in sneakers

16. I was never pretty, but grew to become handsome.  I still don't know how to deal with that.

17. I never wanted kids.  When I was 14 and was told that I wouldn't have kids, I never got upset.  This world is too f***ed up to bring innocents into it.  I would constantly fail to keep them safe.  That would break my heart.  So, my decision to have no kids is more of a self preservation than prevention of innocent minds.

18. I will only eat a banana when my body is craving potassium.  When I do, I always think of my best friend's hate of them and how she pronounces it as "Bah-nah-naaaah"

19. I have not bought myself a new cologne in YEARS.  I still have a fondness for old school Drakar and also Fahrenheit

20. I need to start holiday shopping now so that I don't go for broke during December like I usually do.

21. I don't like strawberry ice cream, at all.  Coffee ice cream is the BEST!

22. My biggest pet peeves of winter are constant cold toes and driving in the snow

23. I think that all religions are the same and boil down to "be nice"... faith is a beautiful thing, but humans are mad with the lust of power and use religion as a means of control.

24. Belly rubs could war in my world.  Try it, you might like it.

25. This meme took me a few hours to write

Well hello there! Read on!

Ooopht... I woke up achy and cranky.  Thank god it is monday (my friday sorry everyone else but I am workin fri-mon now till the busy season is over).  This week is the busiest that work has ever been!  The most that we have ever shipped out is $24M in one week.  This week, our goal is $29M.  Whatever they were smoking over in the office area when they promised our wholesale customers $29M... well bitches you had better share because I am the walking dead on my feet now and I still have 10 more hours to do today!
In other news, It looks like it is gonna be a rainy tue-thur this week so no riding out to leaf peep.  I guess that means that I will have plenty of time to do the laundry that is threatening to overtake my apt, do some reading and most of all, rest rest rest.  Silver lining anyone?  Hmmm maybe I will make some apple crisp with the leftover apples I got from the orchard last week.  I have already made apple butter, honey apple chicken and apple porkchops... yet I still have a buncha apples.  They look so innocent in their lil bags.  I swear to god that they multiplied when I got home!

I am trying to get back into writing in this journal more often.  Pictures will have to wait till I get to upgrade to the new IPhone after my Tmo contract dies.  Die you bastard die!  My old Motorola Zine (5 megapixel camera that was top of the line a few years ago) kicked the bucket, and that was what I was using as a digital camera.  The loaner phone from a friend to last me this last month under my Tmo contract has a horrible camera.  Not even worth pointing n clicking.  So... 4 weeks till I get to update y'all in pictures.

Speaking of pictures... Be on the look out for new Trannywood Pictures video- Trannywood Gone Wild at your local "arts" store. http://www.toolshedtoys.com/results.php?keywords=trannywood+gone+wild&Submit=Product+Search 2 years later, the very fun and well documented shoot went public.  Not there yet?  Demand they start selling copies.  (For those of you back in SF, just go to Eros and buy a copy there) Will sign your copy if you buy one.  I cracked up when I realized that our shoot was the only one on the disc that doesn't have that "bam chica wow wow" music because my scene partner and I were vocal as hell.
I went for a long ride after work today.  It was GLORIOUS! The leaves in New England are just starting to change and every hairpin turn would make my blood race not only with riding the corners hard and fast but also with the assault of oranges, yellows, reds and greens that burst forth like fall fireworks.

Yes, just a lil bit of bliss that makes me giggle like a lil kid in my helmet.  I read a great comment about biking the other day that had stuck with me, 4 wheels moves a body, 2 wheels moves a soul.  As much as I pissed off a friend of mine for not saving my money this year to go traveling, I have to say that my bike was the BEST bday present that I have EVER gotten (even if I did buy it myself)
I am the safe guy.  The one that you'd find behind you ready to support you.  Hold the door for you.  Carry the heaviest load for you.
Yeah... I'm the nice guy who finished last.

Bugger that. 

I am gonna start working on more self preservation than trying to fix the world..
Oh, and the next person that tries to guilt trip me when I do something for myself which takes my focus away from them is gonna get a metaphorical kick in the head.

Still trying to figure out how I feel

I work in a distribution warehouse.  There are powered industrial equipment zooming around everywhere. These suckers have no brakes (only a reverse) and can weigh as much as 3 times the weight of a normal sized car (talk about staying out of traffic!)

A guy was killed at my work on Thursday night in a tragic accident while working on the equipment.  I didn't know him well, but he was only 24 and had two kids with another one on the way.  This is the first fatal accident that we have suffered at my job in the 40 years that the company has been "alive".  It feels like we all lost our innocence, like we all lost a family member.

Safety at work has ALWAYS been a priority on my job.  Yet, now I cannot sleep.  I keep on thinking about the manager on duty and how she has been hysterical ever since it happened.  (Seeing severe head trauma after the guy fell 30ft WITH the equipment)  She ran the shift alone.  I run my shift alone.  I keep on sleeping 1-2 hours to wake up in mild panic attacks.  Realistically I know the odds are low of this happening again, but I have to sit and wonder if I really want/need this type of stress in my life.  I dream of a job where the most life threatening aspect is if someone accidentally loses control over the stapler and it falls to the floor.

I think that the smell of bleach (from cleaning up the mess afterward) is forever going to flash me back to this.